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Dating violence is not as rare as you may think.

The following is excerpted from the National Center for Victims of Crime and is directed to teens, www.ncvc.org.

 

 Dating Violence

 “The person I’m going out with scares me sometimes.”

 

What Is It?

Dating violence is controlling, abusive, and aggressive behavior in a romantic relationship. It can happen in straight or gay relationships. It can include verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, or a combination.

        Controlling behavior may include:

  • Not letting you hang out with your friends
  • Calling or paging you frequently to find out where you are, whom you're with, and what you're doing
  • Telling you what to wear
  • Having to be with you all the time

Verbal and emotional abuse may include:

  • Calling you names
  • Jealousy
  • Belittling you (cutting you down)
  • Threatening to hurt you, someone in your family, or himself or herself if you don't do what he or she wants

      Physical abuse may include:

  • Shoving
  • Punching
  • Slapping
  • Pinching
  • Hitting
  • Kicking
  • Hair pulling
  • Strangling

    Sexual abuse may include:

  • Unwanted touching and kissing
  • Forcing you to have sex
  • Not letting you use birth control
  • Forcing you to do other sexual things

 Anyone can be a victim of dating violence. Both boys and girls are victims, but boys and girls abuse their partners in different ways. Girls are more likely to yell, threaten to hurt themselves, pinch, slap, scratch, or kick. Boys injure girls more and are more likely to punch their partner and force them to participate in unwanted sexual activity. Some teen victims experience violence occasionally. Others are abused more often, sometimes daily.

   Victims of Dating Violence May:

  •   Think it's their fault.
  •    Feel angry, sad, lonely, depressed, or confused.
  •   Feel helpless to stop the abuse.
  •   Feel threatened or humiliated.          
  •   Feel anxious.
  •   Not know what might happen next.
  •    Feel like they can't talk to family and friends.
  •    Be afraid of getting hurt more seriously.
  •    Feel protective of their boyfriend or girlfriend.

 They Are Not Alone

  •   One in five teens in a serious relationship reports having been hit, slapped, or pushed by a partner.1
  •    50–80% of teens have reported knowing others who were involved in violent relationships.2
  •    Teens identifying as gay, lesbian, and bisexual are as likely to experience violence in same-sex dating relationships as youths involved in opposite sex dating.3
  •     Many studies indicate that, as a dating relationship becomes more serious, the potential for and nature of violent behavior escalates.4
  •     Young women, ages 16 to 24 years, experience the highest rates of relationship violence.5

 

Get Help-Pass this On To Your Children

 Being a victim of dating violence is not your fault. Nothing you say, wear, or do gives anyone the right to hurt you.

 If you think you are in an abusive relationship, get help immediately. Don't keep your concerns to yourself.

 Talk to someone you trust like a parent, teacher, school principal, counselor, or nurse.

 If you choose to tell, you should know that some adults are mandated reporters.This means they are legally required to report neglect or abuse to someone else, such as the police or child protective services. You can ask people if they are mandated reporters and then decide what you want to do. Some examples of mandated reporters are teachers, counselors, doctors, social workers, and in some cases, even coaches or activity leaders. If you want help deciding whom to talk to, call our National Crime Victim Helpline at 1-800-FYI-CALL or an anonymous crisis line in your area.

 You might also want to talk to a trusted family member, a friend’s parent, an adult neighbor or friend, an older sibling or cousin, or other experienced person who you trust.

 

To read more about dating violence, read our GET HELP series bulletin at www.ncvc.org.

  

 

1 Liz Claiborne Inc.,“Study on Teen Dating Abuse,” (Teenage Research Unlimited, 2005), http://www. loveisnotabuse.com (accessed March 1, 2007).

2 Ibid.

3 L.L. Kupper et al.,“Prevalence of Partner Violence in Same-Sex Romantic and Sexual Relationships in a National

Sample of Adolescents,” Journal of Adolescent Health 35 (2004): 124-131.

4 Teen Dating Violence Resource Manual, (Denver: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1997), 17.

5 C. M. Rennison and S. Welchans,“BJS Special Report: Intimate Partner Violence,” (Washington, DC: Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2000).

 1-800-FYI-CALL

 www.ncvc.org

 Copyright © 2007

 

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